Will the Democrats lose in 2010

 

No.

Well that takes care of That.

If things stand as they are today – now – they (the Democrats) will lose. The Republicans could elect Alf Landon right now.

In case your memory is short he was the Kansas Governor supposed to beat FDR 46 states to 2. The Literary Digest had polled the country and that was what the people told them.

The Literary Digest of 1936 was the Newsweek of that era or maybe the US News & World Report. Time was also being published but the Literary Digest was very big time.

Anyway that was their answer and it was based on solid, scientific research.

They still held the election for old times’ sake and lo and behold FDR won 46 states to 2.

How about that!

The Literary Digest pollsters made a slight mistake. Hey we all make mistakes.

They did the polling by phone.

In today’s iPod, cell phone world that might work.

But in 1936 only them rich people had phones.

And them rich people were 99.44% Republican.

But that was Then, Now is Now (maybe) and 2010 is still a year away.

Could anything happen between now and then to change the mood of the electorate?

Well yes.

Step One. Let’s say that Obama does something gutsy and says “no more troops” to Afghanistan. The Republicans will yell and scream (they’re very good at this) but we really can’t win in Afghanistan.

It’s a corrupt country. It’s a warlord country. It’s a “poppy” country. They don’t like us. They have been in wars like this for 500 years. They threw out the British. They threw out the Russians. They don’t allow women to pursue an education or hold more than menial jobs.

Did I mention that they don’t like us?

Also it’s not like Kansas or California or Florida or New York. A more inhospitable war environment would be hard to find.

So we say goodbye, adios, au revoir and good night forever and we all think about it and realize, a bit later, this is a very smart decision and Obama was right to take a while to get it right.

His stock jumps 10%.

Step Two. Health Care Reform is passed. Suddenly a lot more of us have health insurance and like the idea. (And they don’t like the idea that the Republicans have been 100% against it.)

Suddenly just saying “No” isn’t as smart as advertised.

The reasons they “Just Say No” are quite unreasonable. At least Limbaugh was honest (well fairly honest). He simply wanted the president (There, I’ve said it) to fail.

The other clowns wanted their power back and if the country had to fail – sorry about that – the ends just justify the means sort of stuff.

They don’t like him because:

He’s half black.

He’s half white.

He went to Harvard and they didn’t.

He’s not really an American. Real Americans are white and from Alaska.

He thinks and talks English, a somewhat foreign language to our last president.

Face it the Republicans were against Health Care Reform because they were against the Democrats. They didn’t have a plan of their own so they thought saying NO was brilliant.

It wasn’t.

Step Three. Sarah Palin. She’s attractive, reasonably well spoken if speaking very fast implies brilliance, attractive and can tell you what’s wrong with anybody who is ever so slightly against her. We used to call that kind of attitude being thin skinned.

Also she’s very attractive.

On the other hand she can’t shut up and can say enough really dumb things to leave the electorate somewhat uneasy about her and her chances of becoming president.

Still she’s very attractive. Very.

She also doesn’t pay the slightest attention to what she is saying. Thus she will contradict herself every five minutes. This may be charming in Wasilla but won’t fly in the lower forty-eight.

Maybe I just can’t get over hearing her talk about Freedom while in the background turkeys were being beheaded.

She also reads “everything” per her talk with Ms. Couric and won’t have time for the rest of us.

How much “It’s their fault” can we take?

Listen I’m a great believer in both basketball and education but five colleges?

And if She wrote That book in three months I’m Leo Tolstoy.

Just for the record I’m also not Calvin Trillin, Dave Barry or even the prolific author of See Spot, See Spot Run.

Step Four. Jobs. The Republicans are upset because we are in a recession.

This is true and they have managed – damned if I know how – to blame it on Obama.

So far they have managed to get away with getting us into this mess, selling the country to the Saudis and Chinese and saying they had nothing to do with it.

Their luck will run out. Ultimately the public will hear, over and over again, how they (the Republicans) mortgaged the country for two wars they didn’t pay for. And one, Iraq, they lied us into.

They will also hear – repeatedly – how Bush and Cheney approved of torture, something we’ve been famous for NOT DOING.

Just because the Republicans say they had nothing to do with our problems really doesn’t mean they had nothing to do with our problems.

Their luck will run out because the people they have representing them just won’t do.

All this talk of bipartisanship when you’re scuttling every vote on anything and everything – well people will ultimately (and slowly) notice.

The Republicans believe the rest of the country is dumb.

The Republicans believe the rest of the country will believe them because the Republicans are really believable?

Please.

You’d have to look long and hard to find a bigger bunch of blowhards, crooks and rascals.

Prediction: The Democrats will pick up 4 Senate seats in 2010 and hold their present majority in the House of Representatives.

I would really like to hear your views on everything or anything I’ve written. I can be contacted at:

 

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

langerw@comcast.net

illini1000@gmail.com

 

Warren Langer

The lost American pay check

 

Every now and them something occurs in your personal life to provide a reasonably true picture of real life.

This past Saturday I was searching for a beer can chicken grilling product. Why? The wife had heard from a friend who had heard from a friend who…and then…which is why I had gone to Publix which did not have the beer can chicken holder I was seeking.

Try Wal-Mart was the opinion of a young Publixian answering my query. He had one at home and it worked beautifully. I asked if I could rent it for the afternoon but his sense of humor had left for the day and I headed for our Wal-Mart, a relatively new Super Store on Hillsboro Boulevard.

It was Wal-Martingly crowded which is part of my reason for avoiding Wal-Mart. I spoke to a Wal-Martian in Lawn & Garden and he said they had it but because of Christmas it was now stored away but would magically reappear après Xmas. He referred me to a “grillin’ place”

I found a “grillin’ place” and the beer can innovative product I was seeking.

It’s called (if you’re interested and I see no reason for that) a Roasted Chicken Beer Can Holder and it works, costing only five times the price of the chicken. It is, of course, made in China.

So what am I talking about?

Wal-Mart is a BIG company and a very successful one. To maintain its famous Low Cost Structure it squeezes every penny it can from its suppliers.

The suppliers pay their employees in pennies whereas we, once upon a time, paid our employees in dollars.

Of course we no longer have employees.

We now manufacture paper that we use for stock certificates; some real, some not.

We no longer make cars (OK we make some), television sets, radios, personal computers, steel, printers, dish washers, refrigerators, shoes or clothes.

When I was younger than my present 82 most of our clothes came from factories in New England. It had been that way since the days of the Industrial Revolution.

To cut costs the manufacturers headed south to the Carolinas and essentially gave the well known finger to the plants they replaced.

This was called progress.

“Time goes by,” per the song from Casablanca, and the plants that were once lower in cost than the ones they replaced were then replaced by lower cost manufacturers in China, Thailand, Honduras, The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia and a dozen other hard-to-spell countries.

This was called progress by many and impolite names by others.

Our citizens now buy our “everything” from Wal-Mart (and other similar companies) at a very good price. The people who make our TVs and computers make maybe $3 a day.

So what’s the trade-off?

Jobs. The Americans who once made most of our “everything” now make very little of our “everything.”

Many of them are unemployed or underemployed or have moved in with parents or children.

Or live under bridges.

Is there a way out of this? Not if we allow China, for example, to hold much of our national debt.

One false step, one wrong word, and they won’t like our dollar anymore.

And that means a Very Depressing Depression.

So who is to blame?

Wal-Mart, the Fed, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, the Democrats, Republicans, Iraq, Iran, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Mexico, Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh, NASDAQ, New York Stock Exchange, Ben Bernanke, Paul Krugman, Nancy Pelosi, California, All the Children Left Behind, Newt Gingrich, Mugabe, Darfur, Somalia, New York Yankees, Iran, Major Hasan?

You could say All of the Above, None of the Above, Some of the Above but that’s no help at all.

What should we do? What can we do?

Will muddling through work?

Will less government help? How about more government?

Will the loudmouths help? Well no.

Will reason help? The trouble with that is the Other Side doesn’t believe in reason.

The Other Side doesn’t believe in Global Warming or China or Evolution or AIDS or just about anything that makes some sense.  

The Other Side believes in the Power of NO.

And that is not a very good solution to real problems.

Where do we go?

Short aside. Wal-Mart is notoriously short on employee pay while Costco, its principal competitor pays quite well. Both use out-of-towners (China etc.) to make their “stuff.” What gives?

Does this mean that you’re eliminating American jobs when you shop at Wal-Mart?

The answer is Yes and No.

How about that for a solid, cut to the chase, straight to the point answer!

Summary: We’re trying is all I can offer. Stimulus money, Green Products, Fuel efficient cars, Solar Power, Wind Turbines, New Technology. New, NEW, NEW.

In the current issue of Newsweek there is an article on nuclear fission and a $3.5 billion dollar project at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Northern California. If it is successful – note the IF – we can create energy with virtually no power loss. (I’d explain this but I’m a guy who barely knows how a car, or even a bicycle, operates. It’s got something to do with deuterium, tritium, isotopes of hydrogen that can be extracted from water and really big lasers.)

And if all this works – note once again the IF – we’ll go to the next step in 2012. And after that? Another step.

I’m 82 and frankly I have other things to worry about so I’ll leave this with you.

Good luck.

Warren Langer

langerw@comcast.net

illini1000@gmail.com

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Democratically Diagnosed Dictionary – Part II

 

Mexico. Country to the south that has constructed a long, tall wall to separate our two frigidly friendly countries and people.  Why would Mexico do this to us? Why?

Medieval Times. Roughly 600 AD to 2009 AD; Republican Party philosophy born, adopted, adapted and subsequently spread from Florida to Louisiana. Major participants and events include Michael Steele, Rush Limbaugh, Secession, Palintology, Paleontology, War and Peace, Peace and War, Divorce, B. Kerik, Galileo, Male, Trial by Error, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, Fox News, Football. (“Are you ready for some…?”)

Miscegenation. Unlawful coupling of Elephant and Donkey.

Misguided. Attempted coupling of Elephant and Donkey.

New York. Once called The Empire State now officially listed by Sotheby’s as For Sale by owner. Call M. Bloomberg. 212-$$$-$$$$.

Opinion. Thoughts of the loudest, often most incoherent. 

Palin. A rogue. See also Octomom, Cleopatra, any of The Gabors

Quest.  Search for the Holy Grail of 60 Senatorial votes. Also allergic reaction to discussion.

Republic. A substantial gathering of individuals.

Republicans. A small gathering of individuals. Sound of one hand clapping.

Scandal. Generally believed to be widespread; a form of Swine Flu and contagious. See Alleghany Trail, C Street Brotherhood, B. Madoff, N. Gingrich, Republican, Wall Street, D. Cheney, Blackwater, Halliburton, Barry and Stock Exchange Bonds, Republican Party.

Secession. See Session at Sea, Slavery, Carpetbaggers, Tea baggers, Ulysses S. Grant, “Free at last,” South Carolina, Argentina (“Don’t Weep for Me”), Rhett Butler, Levi Johnston, General Joe Johnson, Johnson & Johnson, Fort Sumter, Atlantic Ocean, Root Canal. Also “Lafayette we are here!” Merrimac and School Monitor.

Texas. A second state of denial. (Considerably larger than Florida.) See Bush 41, Bush 43, Ship of Fools, Imperfection, Palintology, Governor Perry, Hair, Fort Hood, Santa Ana Winds, Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, Santa Claus, Remember the Alamo, Remember the Titans, Tulia and Texas Monthly. Also Dallas Cowboys, Jerry and Shirley Jones, Cowboys, Indians, sharpshooters Annie Oakley and Dick (“I never heard of Valerie Plame. Isn’t that a French name?”) Cheney. Also Halliburton, Enron, Bulls—t, Global Warming – not here, Death Penalty – here, Tom Delay, Fraud, Freud, Oil, Ail, Ale, Osama bin Cheney.

Texas. Universe. Native Americans believe the word derives from Friends or Allies. (Example: With friends like these you don’t need enemies.)

University of Texas. Where no children left behind are sometimes left behind.

Utopia. Texas?

Virginia. Believer in Santa Claus. (“Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus…”) East of West Virginia. See also “Who’s afraid of Virginia Wolfe?” “Wolf in sheep’s clothing.” Also Ship of Fools.

War. A game likened to Monopoly, often with similar results. Preferred 17 to 1 by Republican Party members, George W. Bush and Dick (“I like shotguns”) Cheney. See also Tug Of, Decline and Fall, Hundred Years, Civil and … of the Roses.

Washington. A single United States State owned and operated by W. and M. Gates. Home of Evil Empire where lay hidden the Forbidden Apple.

Xenophobia. Fear of strangers. See Republican.

Yale. Where George W. Bush was under-educated; majored in obfuscation, Muddle East.

Zip. Number of thoughtful Republican United States Senators.

Note: See also Abridged, Unabridged, “Bridge Over the River Kwai”, Pictionary, Punxatawney.

Although this is a notably reliable compilation of “dictionary” terms and meanings that refer to politics, political parties and Ships of Fools it is possible that some definitions have been omitted. I apologize in advance for errors of omission, commission, long division, Missions Accomplished or Unaccomplished.

Warren Langer

langerw@comcast.net

illini1000@gmail.com

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Inside Florida – the Scott Rothstein Swindle

 

I’ve always been intrigued by financial scandal and managed to keep this personal error inside until I learned that John Kenneth Galbraith was a fellow traveler.

He, of course, knew what he was talking about. I, on the other hand – after two years in our navy – knew port from starboard.

Port was a seventeenth century wine favored by the British navy while Stars were not allowed on board until Marilyn Monroe came along and dented DiMaggio’s swing.

It has seemed to me that by banning paper we would not only cut down on forest decimation but eliminate financial scandal.

The guilty party, 99.44% of the time, can be traced back to paper.

You know the kind.

“Dear Mr. Langer,

I have recently inherited $18 billion dollars but according to the will of the former owner it can only be transferred to someone whose last name begins with the letters L – A – N and who is married to someone whose middle name begins with a P.

Intensive research reveals that you are that person.

If you would kindly wire me $17.6 million dollars I will allow you to keep 10.64% of the aforementioned $18 billion.

Time, regretfully, is running out on the award and I must have your $17.6 million by 7:49 AM Eastern Standard Time.

Respectfully (and sincerely),

Una Persona

P.O. Box 2910

Ciudad de Madagascar 24888”

As you can probably guess this is not a legitimate offer since Una Persona appears to be of uncertain national origin and the  Zip Code for Ciudad de Madagascar is 24889.

You may (or may not) believe what I have written is absurd.

Unless.

Item. The Salad Oil Swindle. Tino de Angelis appeared before a subsidiary of American Express and asked to receive money for salad oil he owned and stored in a secure facility. He had papers saying he had the oil, naming the amount and price.

They gave him the money. The papers were forged.

Item: The Match King. Ivar Kreuger told investors he had documents that gave him the sole right to manufacture safety matches in numerous countries.

He became a very rich man before committing suicide. The papers were forged.

Item: Angolan escudos. A penniless engineer convinced Waterlow & Co., a highly reputable London printer of bank notes for various countries, including Portugal, to print escudos. (1930 era Depression days. Portugal didn’t have the money or ability to print their own bank notes.) He had papers proving he had the right to have Waterlow print legitimate notes for Angola, a country owned by Portugal. It’s a long story but Waterlow actually printed the notes (millions and millions worth) for Arthur Virgilio Alves Reis, already a convicted swindler. As a result Portugal endured the long-term dictatorship of Antonio Salazar and Waterlow went bankrupt.

The papers, naturally enough, were forged.

In swindle after swindle pieces of paper are proffered as proof of ownership and of such value that they are exchanged for Real Money.

Ponzi, Madoff, and now Rothstein.

Each with paper.

Item: Rothstein is a Fort Lauderdale injury lawyer. He ran a legitimate law firm from a next-door sound proof office that essentially manufactured the papers required to steal money.

He would tell a group of investors that Case A had been settled for $15 million but was worth $30 million. He would offer them high interest (very high) rates if they would only…..

The sum involved is estimated to be very close to $500 million.

Rothstein purchased cars, lots of them, houses, boats, restaurants, watches (even a watch company) and politicians.

He was dealing with sophisticated investors and they bought his every word and piece of paper.

Item: Ed Morse is a Chevrolet dealer. He is 89 and very wealthy.

He didn’t like the work being done on his Boca Raton, FL home and told Rothstein (his personal lawyer) to sue the kitchen designers.

Rothstein subsequently told Morse he had won the suit (he hadn’t) and was now owed $23 million by the designer.

But he had to deposit $15 million by the next morning to “secure” the funds.

The money was wired to Rothstein. All told he gave him what appears to be $57 million. (I’m writing this with a straight face but it’s hard.)

The papers were forged. The signatures of several judges were forged.

No wonder they call it paper money.

Conclusion: Check your pieces of paper. For example I have some lovely stock certificates attesting to my 51% ownership of Florida Monthly Magazine. There is a Florida Monthly Magazine but definitely not mine. Mine is just another piece of paper. (Another long story.)

And speaking of Fantasy Island I remember an elderly lawyer, some fifty years ago, confiding to me that Raymond Burr wasn’t a real lawyer.

About then Nat “King” Cole was also singing, “It’s only a paper moon.”

The paper chase goes on. And on

Warren Langer

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Democratically abridged dictionary

 

 

Afghanistan, the site of a major motion picture film starring Cary Grant, Victor McGlaglen and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. A supporting actor was G. Din whose heroics were recorded for posterity and DVD by poet R. Kipling who also wrote Gone With the Wind.

Alaska. Home of S. and T. Palin. “Four and twenty blackbirds baked in Alaska.”

Ambrose Bierce, a friend of Pancho Villa and Noah Webster.

Ahmedinajad. An Iranian fool. Knowledgeable enough to be  dangerous. Oily.

Beck, Glenn. “Barbie” brought to life. A figment of my imagination.

Bierce, Ambrose. (See Ambrose Bierce.)

Berlin Wall. Site of H. Dumpty’s famous fall.

Bias. Republican conversation.

Birthers. See above. 

Bridge to nowhere. Sarah Palin.

Bush, George H. W. A fool. Considered erudite by party standards.

Bush, George W. A fool and villain. A foolish fool fond of fool naming and hiring. Sees and hears no evil when surrounded by fools hearing not nor seeing evil. See also Alfred Neuman.

CIA. Cooking school with vast array of courtesans.

Crayola, the invention that allows financial notables to discern Profit (Black) from Loss (Red). Said to be responsible for current economic woes.

Cheney the Hun.  Former vice president and author of famous dictum, “Shoot first.”

China. Democrats lost. Republicans found. Owns California and Oregon.

Cholesterol, a popular aphrodisiac of the masses.

Democrat Party. A national organization of Dither and Despair according to Lumbering Slumbering Bumbling Lovingly Chinned Limbaugh, a court jester and villain.

Dow Jones and DisneyWorld. Figments of your imagination.

Devil’s Island. A potential repository for recidivistic Democrats.

Diversity. An illusion of Republican Chairman Michael Steele,

Europe. One of the seven continental glaciers now rapidly disintegrating owing to Climate Warming. (See Figment of Imagination, Lafayette, Napoleon, Baguette, Truffle and Gigi.)

Fox News. News organization invented by Roger Ailes. (Also authored “Prices Lowered on Aisle One” and George W. Bush.)  The know nothings of yesteryear returned from Sleepy Hollow secure within and well rested.

Fixation. The thought process that identifies the Republican opposition as real.  

Florida. A state of denial.

Fort Hood. Mega army base in Texas. Home of Major Nidal Malik Hasan, firm believer in Islamic family values and slated to become Cheney Chief of Staff succeeding Lizzie Borden.

Gingrich, Newt. Man of a thousand competing personalities now suffering from multi-marriage syndrome. Family values historian.

Giuliani, Rudy. Former fourth string quarterback of Notre Dame. President of the United States.

GOP. Grand Old Party whose first president was Abraham Lincoln, a major embarrassment to 2009 citizen thoughts and deeds. (See also Machiavelli, Prince of Darkness and Macbeth. “Out, out damned spot.”) Believed to have been created by Joseph Heller and/or Major Major.

Hawaii. Birth state of Nelson Mandela.

Health Care Reform. (Translation from Sonnets of The Republican.) “Why? American health is improving, wonderful and getting better day by day, month by month, Ponzi by Ponzi. ‘We doan need no damn health.’ ”

Hood, Fort. (Texas) Where Hasan, Major Nidal Malik should not have been based in a million billion years. (See also Major Major and Nossarian.)

House of Representatives. Thought provoking group of 535 members whose Republican minority is studiously dedicated to avoiding serious debate. Invented NO! (Senate Republicans are considering lawsuit.) See Overweight, Chicken dinner, Political Donation, IRS and Federal Prison.

Iran. Similar to Iraq but spelled differently. George W. Bush wanted to invade until told by CIA army was occupied elsewhere.

Iraq. A country about to murder and maim all of us unless invaded.

Irony. A word unknown to majority of Republicans. Also to minority of Republicans.

John Boehner. Tanning parlor Impresario.

Klu Klux Klan. Republican splinter group.

Litmus Test. 2 + 2 = 5.

In next week’s lecture we will tackle Palin, Puberty, Voting Twice, Texas, Taxes and Three Car Garage. Reservations, Ronald Reagan and John Wayne will be honored.

Note: Republican Party is a registered trademark of Democratic National Committee. Also Antonin Scalia.

 

Warren Langer

 

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

 

George W. Bush wins second term November 3, 2004

 

Five years ago.

It’s almost hard to believe we re-elected a man who lied us into a war, claimed a false victory and was incapable of delivering a comprehensible sentence no less a sound economic program for the country.

A fool.

We elected a fool for a president.

And now we still listen to and admire his unsuccessful successors to the Republican crown.

John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Two more fools.

Senator McCain, a great admirer of his own sagacity, still talks to us on the Senate floor along with his favorite fool foil, Senator Joe Lieberman.

Fool Lieberman, as a loyal Democrat, would be for health care reform except that he lives in Connecticut, national headquarters for the major insurance companies of the somewhat United States. He lost his seat as a Democrat, ran as an Independent and won but stayed with the Democrats after they promised him ice cream and candy. He votes with the Democrats consistently inconsistently.

He looks endearingly sincere, a pose he has developed into an art form of international consequence.

A fool.

Senator McCain was once tortured by the Viet Cong but refuses to capitalize on his war time performance. Senator McCain was once tortured by the Viet Cong but refuses to capitalize on his war time performance.

Note: I have never been tortured but believe you, me and Dick Cheney it wouldn’t take much to break this 82-year-old. I might have to make up a few secrets but I’d sing relentlessly.

Senator Kerry of Massachusetts was defeated by George W. Bush in 2004. He had been known for his war time service in Vietnam until the nation learned that he had really “flunked the war”. He also went to Harvard and spoke French. Real heroes do not attend Harvard or speak French.

President Bush, on the other hand, drank a lot during the period of the Vietnam War and took drugs although we do not yet know what they were. He became a pilot but decided to help run an election campaign in Alabama rather than attend Vietnam. He was consistently applauded (it was sometimes hard to hear the cheers) for his service in our behalf.

Like Tom Dewey in 1948 he won the 2000 election, defeating Al Gore who, we were told, repeatedly, claimed to have invented the Internet. Vice President Gore denied claiming this but everybody knew how untrustworthy he was. He too had attended Harvard and could speak English. Real heroes do not attend Harvard or speak English.

Now we have a Democrat in the White House. His name is Barack Obama, an unlikely name to succeed Rutherford B. Hayes, Teddy Roosevelt or even George W. Bush.

Sarah Palin and many another Republican believe he was born in Kenya and can’t be president according to our rules and, quite naturally, They always play by the rules.

They will NEVER believe he is president because:

He is half black or half white.

He speaks English quite well.

He is known to think about things.

Well yesterday they held several elections with results that made some Republicans cheer and others lament.

They won Governor’s seats in Virginia and New Jersey. This usually happens in Virginia but since 1970 there have been four Democratic administrations in New Jersey and three Republican. Hmm.

The Republicans lost the only two Congressional seats contested but these don’t count. One had been in Republican hands since 1832 but when you look at it from a certain angle the Republicans won. Ditto for a California race.

Summary. The Democrats are in terrible, awful, disastrous shape and may turn to beach volleyball and simply give up on politics.

The Republicans now control the White House, United States Senate, House of Representatives and the House of Burgess in Jamestown, VA.

Samuel Morse said it most eloquently with his first telegram, “What hath God wrought?”

Morse was not only a Yale man but a painter.

George W. Bush attended Yale but is not nationally renowned as an artist.

The New York Yankees won the World Series.

Casey Stengel, a former manager of The New York Yankees, once let a bird fly out of his cap while pretending to patrol part of an outfield. He spoke a form of pigeon English.

Babe Ruth did not graduate from either Harvard or Yale.

Warren Langer

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Obama, Biden resign; name Rush Limbaugh president for life

 

Breaking news. November 3, 2009. Barack Obama and Joe Biden, President and Vice President of the United States stepped down from their offices 32 minutes ago in favor of radio broadcaster Rush Limbaugh.

Obama statement. It’s been apparent for some time now that only one person can save the United States from its rush to destruction, communism and second place in the International League. That person is Rush Limbaugh and I am happy to say he has accepted the responsibility of guiding the United States back to its world ruler role for the rest of his natural life. I simply don’t know as much as Rush and only he is capable of leading our troops, re-establishing our economy, and defeating whatever empire he deems Evil.

Limbaugh statement. The former president and I have exchanged messages and I concur in his view of himself as a complete loser. When I explained to him that he was a fascist, communist, socialist he quickly understood how much better off the country would be under my tutelage and direction. I humbly accept my new role as National Leader and will attempt to provide Divine Inspiration for many of our citizens.

National Leader Directive #1. “As of 4PM this afternoon the dollar will be worth $2.00. With this one simple step that only I could have imagined, the economy is not only saved but doubled in value. No longer will there be any doubt as to the strength and financial stability of our remarkable nation.”

National Leader directive #2. As of 4PM this afternoon the medical community will only be able to assist the healthy citizens of our nation. It is estimated that the savings from this simple, expedient step will save the country $16 trillion over the next ten years and completely eradicate the National Debt.

National Directive #3. Starting with tonight’s program Countdown with Keith Olbermann will only be allowed to show stationary photographs of the National Leader.

National Directive #4. I have issued a Declaration of War to and on the following countries: Iran, Russia, Canada, Mexico, China, Nigeria, Somalia, Venezuela, Cuba, Microsoft, North Korea and Vietnam.

Responses to the statements were immediate.

Bill O’Reilly. How wonderful it is to be an American today.

George Will. Life is like baseball, anachronistic yet significant. It is vitally important to control costs, emotions, football referees and the Department of Education. 

Sarah Palin. I resigned as Governor of whatchmacallit to be unable to run for President? No. no. NO, NO. First Levi and now this. This is not the country Todd and I love.

Sean Hannity. Whoopee.

Nancy Pelosi. I will think about it.

New York Times Editorial “…..doubling the value of the dollar will not, in our estimation, double the value of the New York Yankees who have contributed so much to the health and respectability of our city.”

Donald Trump. “Yes we are in negotiations with the National Leader to rename Washington DC.”

William Kristol. Weekly Standard standard bearer. “Yes!”

Kennedy family. “No!

George Clooney. “I have been asked to portray the National Leader in a documentary for the youth of America. I will have to gain 211 pounds but it will be worth every ounce.”

Rupert Murdoch. Our 7 PM National News will be re-titled The National Leader presents the National News Nightly. We look forward to our new relationship.

John Stewart, What the f —?

Breaking News Summary. It has been an extraordinary day in the history of the nation. Most international leaders view this as a positive step that will bring financial and mental stability to every hamlet in the country.

Editorial note: A first step to be sure but there is, at long last, genuine hope for the future.

Warren Langer

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Was it really different back then?

Warren Langer

By back then I refer to the 1930s when I grew up in The Bronx.

First off The Bronx was not, and I’m pretty sure about this, the slummy, desolate area you picture.

We lived on a parkway with a playground on the other side of our street. My school was a hundred yards away. (And yes, I have told my children about walking miles through the snow.)

There were large parks and ball fields everywhere.

All of our parents, save one, were immigrants. The offspring of That became a lawyer and Broadway actor who studied the Olivier part in England.

Our parents were totally occupied in making a very modest living. My father made $32.50 walking up and down buildings selling insurance.

The non-immigrant was an accountant with a teacher wife. He had played baseball in college and tried to teach us some of the basics.

A losing cause.

Our parents basically left us alone.

We played basketball night and day and friends and acquaintances played for CCNY, LIU and NYU. They were damn good; one was on the team that sold out at CCNY in the first great basketball scandal. He was good, but not good enough to be bribed.

We traveled downtown to The Roxy, Paramount and Radio City movie palaces to see a film and a headliner on stage.  By ourselves.

We saw The Yankees play. By ourselves.

And we traveled to The New York World’s Fair. 1939 and 1940. By ourselves.

At The Fair we rushed in, took the brochures they would allow us to have and rushed to the next building. And then to the next building.

People tell me how much they learned from The Fair.

I basically remember a large brochure from Australia and a smaller one titled Why Burlington?

Not much to take from a Fiorello LaGuardia, Grover Whalen, Robert Moses inspired project but that’s what we did.

There were hundreds of brochures and I ultimately parked them at my brother’s house in Mount Vernon. He, of course, threw them away.

They’re now worth a small fortune. Hmm.

One good friend attended Music & Art High School and naturally became president of Max Factor and later Neutrogena.

Another ran the paper at De Witt Clinton H.S. and ultimately the educational side of PBS in New Hampshire and later in San Jose, CA. A daughter is an army general.

I went to the Bronx High School of Science and developed a vaccine for the swine flu epidemic that was to arrive 70 years later.

I guess not!

I went into advertising and publishing and was never heard from again.

Back to the question. Are things different now?

There was a war on the horizon and it took most of us; a limited few fatally.

We came back and many of us prospered.

We grew up in Depression Years but never really faced hardships. In some respects we didn’t realize we were poor.

Kids now face drugs and guns. Virtually all of them.

Guns we knew from the movies. (I became a radio-gunner in the Naval Air Corps, flew from here to there and back again. I see the mountains of Afghanistan and tremble.)

We smoked and believed we were Humphrey Bogart waiting for Ingrid Bergman.

The streets of today are dangerous. A check of the 6 PM Local News tells you all you want to know about drugs and guns, streets and roads.

Let your children go miles away by themselves?

I don’t think so.

The kids of today face incredibly more danger than we ever did.

People may have been evicted from their houses back then but we didn’t know any of them. People may have been killed but we didn’t know them either.

Frankly it was a more cheerful time then. The future really did look bright.

I’m not sure about that today.

 

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.c0m

 

 

 

 

A few more useless lists

 

One creates lists in the self-induced hypnosis of believing what you write is of some importance.

I don’t believe this for a single, solitary second and as proof positive I offer the following.

 Worst letter received in a long time

Michael Steele, Chairman of the National Republican Party writes to claim me as an active member of his party. My blog, as you might note, is titled Still Liberal at 82. He throws in a phony Census form that even I, a former magazine research director, find astonishingly misleading. (Believe me I have plenty to atone for in the research area but I’ll answer to Saint Peter – if I get that far.)

 Best letter received in a long time

Barack Obama sends me a Commemorative Presidential Photo along with his thanks for my grassroots support. (OK – I sent money to the campaign.) It arrives the following day.

Under separate cover I also receive a 2009 Priority Issues Survey.  It’s way, way more honest than the Census received from Republican Chairman Steele. Is it perfect from a research standpoint? Nope.

 Best elections of my lifetime

1948. Truman vs. Dewey. The winner of course was Thomas E. Dewey.

1960. JFK won and my wife gave birth to a girl that same day. She, of course, now lives in Seattle; works for The Evil Empire and is a rabid Republican. There is a message here – somewhere.

2008. Obama won defeating the two worst candidates ever to grace a political ticket.

 Worst elections of my lifetime

2000. Bush vs. Gore. The winner of course was Thomas E. Dewey.

2004. Bush vs. Kerry. Bush won and promptly resigned in favor of Dick (“Watch out I’m armed.”) Cheney.

1972. Nixon vs. Humphrey. Nixon later found China. He also seemed to have detested everybody and resigned only to later keep sending the taxpayers bills for his recordings. A truly rotten guy.   

 Best sports teams of my lifetime

1937. New York Yankees. Two of their farm teams in Newark and Kansas City could have won the National League pennant.

1940. Chicago Bears. They beat the Washington Redskins with Sammy Baugh 73-0. And they had that newfangled (“it will never work”) T-Formation run by a Jewish quarterback, Sid Luckman, from that most improbable of colleges, Columbia.

Any year the Boston Celtics had Bill Russell at Center. He was, maybe 6’11” but was the best defensive basketball player of all time. Sure there was a guy named Jordan and he was great but he couldn’t laugh with Russell.

 Best products of my lifetime

Personal computer. My first, purchased in 1982, cost $5,000. It did virtually nothing but promised a lot, later delivered, for the future. You can buy one now for $600 with roughly ten thousand times the power, memory and general ability.

TV remote. Every time I use one I save four to six steps. It adds up and has allowed me to ponder the world at 82.

Kindle. Unexplainable but wonderful. The future as far as general reading, research and education is concerned. Of course you hear a lot of “I need the feel of a book.” Baloney!

 Best homes of my lifetime

Pleasantville, New York. Our very first house. It cost a fortune to run, housed a spanking new baby girl and when it snowed and we were without milk our Golden Retriever and I walked to the nearest neighbor – two hundred yards away and successfully begged for her sustenance.

Sassamansville, PA. A farm house with 70 acres initially constructed in 1825 with a new addition dating to 1875. It overlooked a Lutheran Church from Revolutionary War days and was Currier & Ives top to bottom. One delightful morning I dragged a sled to the top of our little mountain, selected and cut a Christmas tree for the holidays. We may have had 70 acres but the tree, I later discovered, was not on our property. Shh!

I worked in Bala Cynwyd, 43 miles away; a wonderful but lengthy drive. Sassamansville with a population of less than 300 had a minor-league-famous Polo Field and a Fire House at the bottom of our driveway. Norman Rockwell would have loved the place.

Our rent was $183.00 per month. $183.00!

Orlando, FL. We lived there in the 1960s; a mostly pre-Disney time and a wonderful city – then. For $25,000 we had a house, pool, orange trees and a Great Dane next door to play with our much younger Dalmatian. The area was well described as Pill Hill for its overdose of doctors living in the area. $25,000. $25,000!

And finally a few more quick answers begging for questions: Lou Gehrig, Bermuda Triangle, Whizzer White, Federico Garcia Lorca, Woolcott Gibbs and Ring Lardner.

Warren Langer

http://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

 

Dear Republican Chairman Michael Steele

 

I am in receipt of your letter of October 12, 2009 and hasten to reply.

You write: “Dear Warren, Because of your high level of political involvement and steadfast commitment to the Republican Party, your personal input on the questions presented in your Census Document is critical to your Party’s Future.”

I knew the Republican Party was at a crossroad in their political life but I had no idea it had come to this.

I am, as you undoubtedly know, no slouch when it comes to Hearts and Solitaire. My computer keys have moaned, no less groaned, when I aim for the Games menu on my Acer laptop. They know what lies ahead; Defeat for them, Victory for me.

I also know how to turn on a new Kenmore Dishwasher, Polaroid TV and Kindle eReader. And yes, I did write Polaroid TV.

We at the Langer household are a centimeter backward when it comes to the technology that has recently advanced our civilization so mightily.

Still we have not – yet – become the newest acolytes of the Republican mantra.

The title of my blog (I double checked) remains, “Still Liberal at 82”.

I am growing older (by the second) and a shift in my normally taciturn political mood could change within minutes but this is frankly a stretch.

Still you represent the party of Big Business and if a substantial sum is involved I could quite easily turn my proverbially political cheek.

I’m not even talking $150 million.

$87.25 and a promise to forget the Late Return Book Episode of 1963 would do nicely.

But let’s discuss specifics.

Your first 2009 Congressional District Census question asks if I am a Conservative Republican, Moderate Republican, Liberal Republican, Independent Voter who leans Republican or Other.

I would, of course, indicate my Conservative Republican credentials. (Please make the check out to Cash.)

Your 6^th question of the Political Profile asks what media source do I regularly receive for political news.

Your suggested responses are NBC/CBS/ABC, CNN/MSNBC, News Websites, Local Newspaper, Friends, Fox News, Internet Blogs, Radio, Twitter, Facebook/MySpace, Candidate Websites, National Magazines or Other.

I would mark Fox News emphatically!

In the area of Domestic Issues you wonder which party has the solutions to solve our current economic crisis. Your choices are Republican, Democratic, Combination of Both or No Opinion.

Obviously I would check off Republican as the Party Most Likely to Succeed.

However I must humbly note that you refer to the Democrat Party as the Democratic Party. Please do not do this again or I will have to raise my price to well over $125.00. There is just so much I can tolerate for The Cause.

As to Should Republicans do whatever is necessary to keep Democrats in Congress from enacting government-run health care my vote will be for guns, machetes and aged tomatoes.

I quite naturally (Question 17-Domestic Issues) support School Prayer, Faith Based Initiatives and the banning of all abortions, human cloning and homosexual marriage. I also support the banning of flag burning.

Section V of the Census Certification and Reply suggests a donation to the RNC would be appropriate. The choices are $500, $250, $100, $50, $25 or Other.

Frankly I can’t see my way clear to providing any of these selections on the basis of my receipt of $87.25. My Long Division results are often subject to Verification but I am truly excellent when it comes to Subtraction.

Whoops I spoke hastily. You also suggest that $15 would cover the cost of Processing my Census Document.

Well OK to That.

And finally you note in a PS. “Warren to win in 2010, the Republican Party must be better organized than the Democrats every step of the way. Today, I am counting on your help to ensure we meet that goal. Please don’t let us down.”

Sincerely,

Michael Steele

Chairman, Republican National Party

As a responsible citizen of our great country I do wish to offer one small piece of advice in addition to my carefully selected Positions for your Census. Somebody in your office should avoid the Grapes of Wrath.

Warren Langer