Florida Monthly, Florida corruption

In the mid 1980s I started planning a magazine loosely based on the success of Texas Monthly, a publication I had long admired.

As you probably know Texas is a strange state populated by a few liberals, lots of conservatives, the Bush Connecticut klan and a solid mixture of crime, corruption, giant sized (colossal) egos and a modest need to learn more about all the various types.

Thus came Texas Monthly.

If they can do it in Texas why can’t I do it in Florida? I know publishing, I know Florida and I was being paid roughly $250,000 one particular year not to work for InfoWorld, an early and fabled personal computer magazine.

Yes, yes I know. I really do.

I should have turned it down and looked into a McDonald’s franchise. Or sailed around the world in a leaky rowboat and been interviewed by Today, Tomorrow, Tonight and The Next Day. The book alone would have sold 12 copies.

On the other hand Florida had a wonderfully sleazy history, crime on the uptick and corruption that made Texas seem tame in comparison.

I opted for Florida Monthly.

Unfortunately the guy I entrusted to make this dream come true was, at best, an idle dreamer, a ne’er do well highly allergic to details. He was a non-people person devoted to laughing at things most ordinary, sane people do not laugh at.

He was an ex-copywriter.  One of the immutable Laws of Life is to watch your wallet when dealing with copywriters; ex or present day.

The guy being discussed was and is me.

We tested the concept and it came back A minus at best, B minus at worst.

I saw what turned out to be Florida Monthly as Texas Monthly2.

Others pictured it as an extraordinary combination of Boating, Gardening, Sailing, Better Homes and Gardens, Spring Break, Expensive Homes, Very Expensive Homes and Super Costly Expensive Homes.

In my previous life I had been a Research and Promotion Director for several magazines as well as Associate Publisher for others. I had sold advertising space and heard (and participated in) enough baloney to cover several worlds and a few asteroids.

I also had Rheumatoid Arthritis, Psoriatic Arthritis, Raynaud’s Syndrome, Immune System problems, and a fierce desire to replace Michael Jordan if and when he retired.

The immune system problems came from a number of sessions with an x-ray machine directed at my face, back and other body parts. This was so I could tame my acne, join the Naval Air Corps and save the world.

I became a radio gunner on a torpedo bomber (TBF) but somebody else saved the world. It certainly wasn’t me but I did get to know Florida among other semi-famed places.

My wife, god bless her, is a native Floridian (one of seven in the state) and OK’d the project for Florida Monthly as long as it wouldn’t disturb our peace of mind and financial position.

I looked her in the eye and lied.

Hundreds of thousands later we divorced, although cooler heads later prevailed and we recently celebrated 50 years of togetherness.

But back to Florida Monthly and our sweetly corrupt state.

How did I know it was corrupt?

I read the papers, ran a few political campaigns in Central Florida, knew people, knew what they were up to and wasn’t crazy about what I saw.

When John Kennedy was assassinated my then bosses hooted with glee. I walked out of the office.

I knew about segregation and the joke that was initially integration.  

I bailed out our gardener from the prison farm. His crime? Headlights and back lights not working properly.

The publisher of the Orlando Sentinel was a friend of LBJ. When Ed Murrow ran Harvest of Shame, an expose of the Migrant Worker problem the paper investigated and disputed the facts.

Publisher:           What did you discover?

Investigator:       Murrow is right.

So the Orlando Sentinel ran a series discrediting – Murrow.

Ed Gurney of Winter Park, a decorated war hero, was the first successful Republican since Reconstruction Days. The ad agency I worked for ran his campaign for the Florida House and U.S. House of Representatives.

I’m a liberal Democrat and said I wouldn’t write for him. He came one morning to meet with the ad agency but unfortunately everybody was out drinking and as the only sober guy on the staff I was elected to help run his campaign.

Ed became the first Republican Senator and was caught up – slightly – in Watergate. A good guy.

Mel Brooks could have written that chapter.

Where was I?

Over the years I learned a lot about the state and thought I could really do something.

I was wrong. It wasn’t to be.

I was the wrong guy mentally and physically.

There’s more to the story but I’ll leave it at that.

What could have happened with Florida Monthly?

We could have covered the Bush-Gore recount.

We could have covered the 18,000 votes for Buchanan in Palm Beach County.

We could have covered the sugar barons and the attempted rape of the Everglades.

We could have covered the Bay of Pigs story after the fact. Hey it’s still never been told.

We could have covered the DisneyWorld story; another tale not yet detailed.

We could have covered Enron. Florida Gas of Winter Park was their first important subsidiary. It led to X which led to Y which led to crime and devastation.

We could have covered Madoff, a true Florida story.

We could have covered Rothstein. In many respects another stock market crime. Bets on something that turned out to be nothing.

I live in Deerfield Beach and believe me – it has been for sale for some time. It still is.

We could have covered the growth of the casinos. Who paid what to whom?

We could have covered the Legislature. We all guess at the corruption inherent in this institution. It’s probably worse than you think.

Russian mobs, Latin mobs, Black on Black crime,

White collar crime.

The list is seemingly endless and still available to Somebody.

Just not me.

PS: InfoWorld, in the glory days, would send me incredibly detailed monthly statements along with a check of almost always above $20,000. Another rep would receive a similar statement and complain vociferously about a missing $1.25. He got zip and I was paid not to work. The both of us were canned after eight years because that’s how it works. You’re fired if you don’t produce and you’re fired if you produce too much. In that case somebody at the home office wonders why you’re receiving that much money and don’t answer the phone immediately if not sooner. As Frank Capra noted, “It’s a wonderful life.”

By the way there really IS a Florida Monthly these days. Not mine, and it doesn’t cover my interests, but it is there.

Warren Langer 

warrenlanger@att.net

Still Liberal at 83

https://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

Some quiet words of praise for George W. Bush

 

I’m not a great fan of the former president as you might notice from the title of my blog – Still Liberal at 82.

Still – the man was in charge when the government added a prescription package to Medicare.

Of course he lied about the cost and threatened the existence of an administrator who questioned the actuarial costs of the program.

After all what’s three or four hundred billion dollars among friends?

Also anyone can make a modestly small error as he did when taking us to war with Iraq. He thought they were talking about Weapons of Mass Instruction, a companion piece to No Child Left Behind.

No matter how I slice it his signature legalizing the Medicare Prescription Package has saved me – personally – thousands of dollars.

He may be a dope but in this one instance he’s my kind of low IQ president.

OK he forgot Ken Lay of Enron was his biggest financial supporter and thought Katrina was a Dutch model and Dick Cheney exhaustively researched vice presidential candidates before offering himself for the post.

And maybe, as a fellow pilot, he could have wondered why those Saudi Arabian guys were more interested in learning how not to land big planes than handling Arabian horses on northern plains.

But he remembered, distinctly, asking for a sign that said “Sub-mission accomplished” for inventing a submarine that found golf balls in Texas-size ponds.

Still – his signature saved me cash, dough-re-mi, some Bill McKinleys and maybe even a few Grover Clevelands. He tried, he really did, but George W. Bush couldn’t come close to putting a Woodrow Wilson under my mattress.

My 2009 bill for prescriptions came to – maybe – $500 and, no matter how I slice it, George W. Bush was responsible for this tolerable amount.

Having a bad neck (don’t ask), Raynaud’s Syndrome, Psoriatic Arthritis, Regular arthritis, Thyroid problems, an artificial right hip, pain from a faulty left hip, renal this and that, diverticulitis and a partridge in a pear tree – I take some pills. Big ones. Small ones.

I self-inject Enbrel every 72 hours (don’t tell the cops) and withdraw blood regularly to make sure Qwest Diagnostics meets its quarterly profit goals.

But thanks to George W. Bush, Medica, (my health plan) and the VA I pay virtually nothing for drugs that would normally cost several thousand a month.

Thanks George. 

You’re my kind of dope.

 ****

Which brings me to George W’s former Treasury Secretary, Henry Paulson, who was primarily responsible for placing Lehman Brothers in the ash can of financial history. Since my economic background is more in the Economics 001 category (rather than even Economics 101) I will stay clear of all implications other than to say Mr. Paulson was and is a committed Christian Scientist.

So was my mother.

When my brother came down with Chicken Pox in 1948 she promptly called her Christian Scientist “Practitioner” who essentially prayed for him.

He recovered.

He was roughly 25 at the time and returned from a vacation in France where he had earned a Bonze Star.

The “Practitioner” sent him a bill for $20 which sent him through the roof. He died a few years ago, quite possibly as a direct result.

Coming home from Champaign, Illinois where I practiced reclining at the University of Illinois I caught the Pox from him.

Returned to Champaign I was having breakfast with a friend at Newman Hall and broke out into a huge sweat.

I repaired to the University hospital and kept whatever knowledge I had of the impending Chicken Pox to myself not knowing whether I had insurance coverage.

That night I was questioned closely by the medical staff about my life of privilege in the United States Navy. Had I been in the Pacific? Had I caught any infections? My responses were, I’m fairly certain, vague.

About four hours later they identified the culprit – a children’s disease for God’s Sake.

Since there were remarkably few cases of Chicken Pox among the students or faculty they placed me in the only isolation section of the hospital available – the President’s Suite.

And there I stayed for a little over a week, shunned by one and all but comfortable in George Dinsmore Stoddard’s luxurious quarters.

It was one of the better weeks of my life.

 ****

Secretary Paulson, as a dedicated Christian Scientist, was not able to take sleeping pills much as he needed a good nights sleep before deciding on Lehman’s fate.

I don’t know whether he talked to a “Practitioner” or what the customary charge is these days.

All I know is that Lehman died and Paulson apparently is a pretty good guy.

And I too recovered from the Chicken Pox.

 Warren Langer

https://warrenlanger.wordpress.com

warren-langer@att.net