In the mid 1980s I started planning a magazine loosely based on the success of Texas Monthly, a publication I had long admired.
As you probably know Texas is a strange state populated by a few liberals, lots of conservatives, the Bush Connecticut klan and a solid mixture of crime, corruption, giant sized (colossal) egos and a modest need to learn more about all the various types.
Thus came Texas Monthly.
If they can do it in Texas why can’t I do it in Florida? I know publishing, I know Florida and I was being paid roughly $250,000 one particular year not to work for InfoWorld, an early and fabled personal computer magazine.
Yes, yes I know. I really do.
I should have turned it down and looked into a McDonald’s franchise. Or sailed around the world in a leaky rowboat and been interviewed by Today, Tomorrow, Tonight and The Next Day. The book alone would have sold 12 copies.
On the other hand Florida had a wonderfully sleazy history, crime on the uptick and corruption that made Texas seem tame in comparison.
I opted for Florida Monthly.
Unfortunately the guy I entrusted to make this dream come true was, at best, an idle dreamer, a ne’er do well highly allergic to details. He was a non-people person devoted to laughing at things most ordinary, sane people do not laugh at.
He was an ex-copywriter. One of the immutable Laws of Life is to watch your wallet when dealing with copywriters; ex or present day.
The guy being discussed was and is me.
We tested the concept and it came back A minus at best, B minus at worst.
I saw what turned out to be Florida Monthly as Texas Monthly2.
Others pictured it as an extraordinary combination of Boating, Gardening, Sailing, Better Homes and Gardens, Spring Break, Expensive Homes, Very Expensive Homes and Super Costly Expensive Homes.
In my previous life I had been a Research and Promotion Director for several magazines as well as Associate Publisher for others. I had sold advertising space and heard (and participated in) enough baloney to cover several worlds and a few asteroids.
I also had Rheumatoid Arthritis, Psoriatic Arthritis, Raynaud’s Syndrome, Immune System problems, and a fierce desire to replace Michael Jordan if and when he retired.
The immune system problems came from a number of sessions with an x-ray machine directed at my face, back and other body parts. This was so I could tame my acne, join the Naval Air Corps and save the world.
I became a radio gunner on a torpedo bomber (TBF) but somebody else saved the world. It certainly wasn’t me but I did get to know Florida among other semi-famed places.
My wife, god bless her, is a native Floridian (one of seven in the state) and OK’d the project for Florida Monthly as long as it wouldn’t disturb our peace of mind and financial position.
I looked her in the eye and lied.
Hundreds of thousands later we divorced, although cooler heads later prevailed and we recently celebrated 50 years of togetherness.
But back to Florida Monthly and our sweetly corrupt state.
How did I know it was corrupt?
I read the papers, ran a few political campaigns in Central Florida, knew people, knew what they were up to and wasn’t crazy about what I saw.
When John Kennedy was assassinated my then bosses hooted with glee. I walked out of the office.
I knew about segregation and the joke that was initially integration.
I bailed out our gardener from the prison farm. His crime? Headlights and back lights not working properly.
The publisher of the Orlando Sentinel was a friend of LBJ. When Ed Murrow ran Harvest of Shame, an expose of the Migrant Worker problem the paper investigated and disputed the facts.
Publisher: What did you discover?
Investigator: Murrow is right.
So the Orlando Sentinel ran a series discrediting – Murrow.
Ed Gurney of Winter Park, a decorated war hero, was the first successful Republican since Reconstruction Days. The ad agency I worked for ran his campaign for the Florida House and U.S. House of Representatives.
I’m a liberal Democrat and said I wouldn’t write for him. He came one morning to meet with the ad agency but unfortunately everybody was out drinking and as the only sober guy on the staff I was elected to help run his campaign.
Ed became the first Republican Senator and was caught up – slightly – in Watergate. A good guy.
Mel Brooks could have written that chapter.
Where was I?
Over the years I learned a lot about the state and thought I could really do something.
I was wrong. It wasn’t to be.
I was the wrong guy mentally and physically.
There’s more to the story but I’ll leave it at that.
What could have happened with Florida Monthly?
We could have covered the Bush-Gore recount.
We could have covered the 18,000 votes for Buchanan in Palm Beach County.
We could have covered the sugar barons and the attempted rape of the Everglades.
We could have covered the Bay of Pigs story after the fact. Hey it’s still never been told.
We could have covered the DisneyWorld story; another tale not yet detailed.
We could have covered Enron. Florida Gas of Winter Park was their first important subsidiary. It led to X which led to Y which led to crime and devastation.
We could have covered Madoff, a true Florida story.
We could have covered Rothstein. In many respects another stock market crime. Bets on something that turned out to be nothing.
I live in Deerfield Beach and believe me – it has been for sale for some time. It still is.
We could have covered the growth of the casinos. Who paid what to whom?
We could have covered the Legislature. We all guess at the corruption inherent in this institution. It’s probably worse than you think.
Russian mobs, Latin mobs, Black on Black crime,
White collar crime.
The list is seemingly endless and still available to Somebody.
Just not me.
PS: InfoWorld, in the glory days, would send me incredibly detailed monthly statements along with a check of almost always above $20,000. Another rep would receive a similar statement and complain vociferously about a missing $1.25. He got zip and I was paid not to work. The both of us were canned after eight years because that’s how it works. You’re fired if you don’t produce and you’re fired if you produce too much. In that case somebody at the home office wonders why you’re receiving that much money and don’t answer the phone immediately if not sooner. As Frank Capra noted, “It’s a wonderful life.”
By the way there really IS a Florida Monthly these days. Not mine, and it doesn’t cover my interests, but it is there.
Warren Langer
Still Liberal at 83
Still liberal at 84 
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